Calvin’s Dad on the Job


Here’s a mini bit of Calvin’s Dad parenting from me this week. For some reason this comes naturally to me.  And for some reason, I think it’s healthy. I blame my mom. Please leave any stories of harmless messing you’ve done with your kids.

I was driving my son home from his baseball game last night. He’s 14 and in high school so I think this was a legit biology question. Also remember that he’s been living with me for 14 years so it could have just been him being goofy. Here’s how the conversation went down. Since I’m a bit of a geek, I’ll add comments/thoughts in DML (Dad Markup Language).

Son: Dad, what’s the point of fruit?

Me: <BriefPause>So that fruit trees have something to do when they’re bored.</BriefPause>

Son: <SeemsNonplussed>Wait.  What!</SeemsNonplussed>

Me: <TakesItUpANotch>Absolutley. What do pine trees do when they’re bored?</TakesItUpANotch>

Son: <SeemsMoreNonplussed>What?  Pine trees get bored?</SeemsMoreNonplussed>

Me: <HeTookTheBait>Of course. They make pine cones.</HeTookTheBait>

Son: <NotBuyingIt>No way. They don’t do that when they get bored.</NotBuyingIt>

Me: <DeeperDownRabbitHole>Well they can’t knit. What do you expect them to do.</DeeperDownRabbitHole>

Son: <NowHeIsJustMessingWithMe>Funny. I’m not falling for it.</NowHeIsJustMessingWithMe>

Me: <CoupDeGrace>Fine. I’ll drop it. Just show me a tree that knits and we’re done.</CoupDeGrace>

Son: <StunnedAndLaughing>But. But. You know I can’t. OK. I’ll ask my teacher about knitting trees.</StunnedAndLaughing>

Me: <LastLaugh>Also make sure he knows that if you crossbreed apple trees and pine trees then you’ll get a tree that makes pineapples. But it still can’t knit.</LastLaugh>

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15 thoughts on “Calvin’s Dad on the Job

    1. Great point. Timing is obviously important. Plus I don’t think kids these days are up on knitting.
      I was more focused on pine trees not having opposable thumbs. Like dogs. Ever see a dog knit?

      1. Yeah, blame it on your mother…again! Where would we be without Calvin and Hobbes, or Garfield, or Lio, Peanuts, B.C., Doonesbury, Non Sequitur, Rhymes With Orange, and of course, Superman! We’d all be twiddleing our (opposable) thumbs and writing blogs, that’s where!

  1. Spinach (a “potherb of the goosefoot family” accordint to Webster), brussels sprouts, broccoli, giant mushrooms and dandelions. His mother made him do it.

    1. And look what happened to her.
      His real mom blew up along with the whole planet and he was left to grow up with a foster family in a stone age civilization – That has nuts like us living on it.

  2. Enjoy your blogs Eric! Two from our house …

    Why is the ocean salty? Because the fish sweat.

    Where do we get cotton? You guessed it … Belly buttons.

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